If you are given three months to live, how would you spend it? Would you spend it regretting the things you weren't able to do? Or would you spend the last three months of your life sharing love and happiness to the people who mean the most to you?
If I have to chose one among all the asian drama series I have watched over the years, Silence would definitely top my list. It is not just a love story, it is a life story. Watching it made my heart ache, but it opened my eyes to the numerous possibilities in this life. One of which is death.
Death is a reality. Each one of us will have to face this truth, even if we do not want to, in God's perfect time, we will.
Two days after watching this, I experienced the worst chest pain I ever had. I feared that I might have a heart attack any moment, so I sent my husband a message telling him how much he means to me, how I want us to grow old together, how I feared dying this young. That night, the reality of death hit me real hard. I could die any moment. I could die from asthma attack, from heart attack, or I could die from an accident. I maybe well and laughing in the morning, but I will never know when my destiny ends.
After that night, I willed myself to live healthier so I decided to go for a pulmonary check up. I underwent a test called spirometry where I was made to blow air into a measuring device. The normal result is at 80-100% according to the doctor, but I only measured at 53%, way below normal. The good thing though is that my asthma is curable. My chest pain according to the doctor is brought by my asthma too.
I willed myself to live a healthier life, because I don't want to die young. My husband and I will be sacrificing 31 months away from one another. I don't want to put this sacrifice into waste.
To end this melodrama, I would like to borrow the line from the movie John Q " I am not gonna bury my son(daughter), my son(daughter) will gonna bury me"
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2 comments:
The prospect of death at any moment is both sobering and liberating, isn't it? It's beautiful and touching that you contacted our husband when you felt such pain. I hope that he was able to ease some of the emotional distress at that time and that the physical problem has a simple solution. I hope you are well.
God bless.
Just this dawn, I woke up hyperventilating -- feeling my heart seem to be bursting out of my throat. I thought I was experiencing a heart attack. I tried to move my hands. I screamed for Ronald to wake up, but there was no voice. I was panicky. And the more that I felt my heartbeat getting louder and my breathing heavier. I talked myself out to calm down. Then I realized, I was having a nightmare. I was killed by an accident in my dream. But the hyperventilation and my fear didn't subside. I woke Ronald up and we just talked until we heard the cocks crow. I was afraid to go back to sleep for fear of never waking up. The nightmare hit me hard. I fear death. I'm not ready to die yet. I feel I'm too young to die, too.
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